What I would Do With Kofi Kingston (Or WWDW for short)
Written by: Lateef Ade' Reid
Cole: And another loss for Kofi Kingston..
Kofi Kingston has been getting the most half ass pushes for a little over 3 years now. Even with a title, he was booked to lose every week. A lot of people say 'he can never be a heel.' 'He will never be anything beyond a midcarder.' 'Nobody would believe him as a heel.'
But I beg to differ. Not every heel has to suddenly be an aggressive hot head.
Here's what I would do with Kofi Kingston IF it was my call and I actually wanted to push the guy, (which WWE obviously does not.)
pretty boy Vega-type gimmick as a HEEL.
Instead of a porcelain mask like Vega, he wears an old school Mr. Wrestling mask with the top cut so his dreads can come thru. But I have him take it off to cut a promo a lot. He just wears the mask to protect his face. Like Vega.
But I beg to differ. Not every heel has to suddenly be an aggressive hot head.
Here's what I would do with Kofi Kingston IF it was my call and I actually wanted to push the guy, (which WWE obviously does not.)
pretty boy Vega-type gimmick as a HEEL.
Instead of a porcelain mask like Vega, he wears an old school Mr. Wrestling mask with the top cut so his dreads can come thru. But I have him take it off to cut a promo a lot. He just wears the mask to protect his face. Like Vega.
But not suddenly. And not right away.
Raw:
Before the angle, he uncharacteristically gives an opponent the trouble in paradise kick after losing a match which knocks the opponent out cold. It would have to be a neutral opponent that fans are indifferent to. Maybe Adam Rose, Bo Dallas, Fandango or Damien Sandow.
Smackdown:
Walks out on his partner RVD in a tag team match that means very little because his cell phone rings.
(Maybe their opponents are Rybaxel or Los Matadores)
Raw:
Cell rings in the middle of promo when Renee asks him why he did it. Kingston walks off the promo.
Has a match against RVD. Hits RVD with the trouble in paradise kick before the bell rings and before RVD can finish his taunt. Knocks RVD out cold. Leaves the ring but does his 'boom boom boom' taunt all the way to the back. (People will most likely not know what to do and it will be an awkward silence)
Raw:
Before the angle, he uncharacteristically gives an opponent the trouble in paradise kick after losing a match which knocks the opponent out cold. It would have to be a neutral opponent that fans are indifferent to. Maybe Adam Rose, Bo Dallas, Fandango or Damien Sandow.
Smackdown:
Walks out on his partner RVD in a tag team match that means very little because his cell phone rings.
(Maybe their opponents are Rybaxel or Los Matadores)
Raw:
Cell rings in the middle of promo when Renee asks him why he did it. Kingston walks off the promo.
Has a match against RVD. Hits RVD with the trouble in paradise kick before the bell rings and before RVD can finish his taunt. Knocks RVD out cold. Leaves the ring but does his 'boom boom boom' taunt all the way to the back. (People will most likely not know what to do and it will be an awkward silence)
Main Event: As a face, wrestles The Miz but gets himself disqualified when he brings a chair into the ring and attempts to end The Miz's career.
Smackdown:
Interrupts Lawler in the ring whom is advertising WWE Network. This time, Kofi is wearing a suit but with the Mr. Wrestling mask described above and a crown on a pillow in his hand. (Because he's Kofi KINGston)
Lawler thinks the crown is for him but Kofi hands it to him only to get the mic away from Lawler.
Kofi takes the mask off to cut his promo, folds it up slowly, puts it away, then snatches the crown back away from Lawler.
Lawler asks Kofi why he has been acting the way he's been acting lately but it's hard to hear him because Kofi has the mic.
Kofi then starts bragging about a girl named Serena as if this takes precedence over whatever he is interrupting. Says 'You fans are too ugly to get a girl of this caliber.'
'But anyway, the main reason why people aren't subscribing to WWE Network is because they're advertising stuff that nobody gives a crap about.'
Says they would get more subscribers if they talked more about HIM and what OMG moments you could see of Kofi Kingston. Makes the whole segment ALL about HIM. Says he may as well BE Mr. WWE. RVD is Mr. Monday Night but he is bigger than that.
Then he shows a vignette of his OMG moments:
'him being in a relationship is really getting his head in the game.'
'He had to do some soul searching' 'realizing he is basically the best wrestler on the roster. Even better than Cena.' (They would probably cheer) proven to be able to beat Orton time after time (they would probably cheer) and DEFINITELY better than RVD or Ziggler because Ziggler will never be champion (they would probably boo him for that).
Goes on to say, 'he's better than the current champion and all of the former champions, yet he's being booked in stupid matches with midcarders like RVD and Them.'
Raw:
Comes down to the commentary table with his suit, mask, and crown on a pillow during a match that has nothing to do with him and shoots the shit. Eventually, he gets around to where he describes his girlfriend in a way that people automatically think he's talking about Serena Williams.
He describes her as an athlete that pulls off amazing feats similar to him in his sport. Comes into the ring after the match. Takes his mask off. Shows a different vignette of his OMG moments. This time they're mostly of him doing high spots on Ziggler. Brags about it.
Ziggler interrupts it and they have a match in which Kofi gives Zigger a concussion with the trouble in paradise which he now calls the "T.I.P." for the finish.
Smackdown:
Interrupts Lawler in the ring whom is advertising WWE Network. This time, Kofi is wearing a suit but with the Mr. Wrestling mask described above and a crown on a pillow in his hand. (Because he's Kofi KINGston)
Lawler thinks the crown is for him but Kofi hands it to him only to get the mic away from Lawler.
Kofi takes the mask off to cut his promo, folds it up slowly, puts it away, then snatches the crown back away from Lawler.
Lawler asks Kofi why he has been acting the way he's been acting lately but it's hard to hear him because Kofi has the mic.
Kofi then starts bragging about a girl named Serena as if this takes precedence over whatever he is interrupting. Says 'You fans are too ugly to get a girl of this caliber.'
'But anyway, the main reason why people aren't subscribing to WWE Network is because they're advertising stuff that nobody gives a crap about.'
Says they would get more subscribers if they talked more about HIM and what OMG moments you could see of Kofi Kingston. Makes the whole segment ALL about HIM. Says he may as well BE Mr. WWE. RVD is Mr. Monday Night but he is bigger than that.
Then he shows a vignette of his OMG moments:
'him being in a relationship is really getting his head in the game.'
'He had to do some soul searching' 'realizing he is basically the best wrestler on the roster. Even better than Cena.' (They would probably cheer) proven to be able to beat Orton time after time (they would probably cheer) and DEFINITELY better than RVD or Ziggler because Ziggler will never be champion (they would probably boo him for that).
Goes on to say, 'he's better than the current champion and all of the former champions, yet he's being booked in stupid matches with midcarders like RVD and Them.'
Raw:
Comes down to the commentary table with his suit, mask, and crown on a pillow during a match that has nothing to do with him and shoots the shit. Eventually, he gets around to where he describes his girlfriend in a way that people automatically think he's talking about Serena Williams.
He describes her as an athlete that pulls off amazing feats similar to him in his sport. Comes into the ring after the match. Takes his mask off. Shows a different vignette of his OMG moments. This time they're mostly of him doing high spots on Ziggler. Brags about it.
Ziggler interrupts it and they have a match in which Kofi gives Zigger a concussion with the trouble in paradise which he now calls the "T.I.P." for the finish.
Eventually at some point, I would give him the moniker 'Serena's Boyfriend'
(Like when Louis Spicolli was 'Madonnas Boyfriend') but I would take it further. Nobody remembers the Madonna's Boyfriend gimmick anyway because it was simply a name, not an angle or gimmick.
Smackdown:
Does the same thing he did on Raw but with different highlight clips. The last clip he shows is the one from a while back, where he knocked Miz out with Trouble in Paradise and caused him to bleed.
RVD comes out and interrupts it and they have a five star match. For the finish: a lady with a paperbag over her head comes out of the crowd and pushes RVD off the top turnbuckle and onto the concrete before he can do his Frog Splash.
--At this point, he wouldn't be face or heel, because security would remove the woman from ringside and he would still be on the mat arguing with the ref over the DQ.
Raw:
Later on in the program, he finally introduces Serena after the commentary and the narrative points to him implying that he is dating Serena Williams.
Instead, he brings in a jacked bodybuilder black woman that is taller and/or bigger than he is who's name happens to be Serena. And she has the paperbag over her head. He gives HER the crown he had the previous week on Raw.
The woman could even be Awesome Kong/Kharma that would be this Serena he's been talking about. From that point on, she would be his valet and help him win matches. She would just hold the crown on the pillow like Paul Bearer used to hold the urn. Their whole approach would be to make YOU the fans the true heels.
Things he and his valet would say in promos:
'Had an epiphany and doesn't need to impress you. Just needs to impress his woman.'
'You the fans don't deserve to see what he looks like. You're getting a treat.'
'Thank God they let me bring my woman out here because she's too sexy for PG era'
'You're lucky he so much as takes his mask off to cut a promo.'
'Seeing his woman is going above and beyond for you losers.'
'You don't deserve to be that involved in his personal life. Him taking the mask off to address you is him being generous'
'At least he's saying how he really feels. These other guys in the back like RVD, Ziggler and Cena are playing a phony character and kissing your ass'
'You marks go on the Internet and talk about what wrestler is the biggest ass kisser. Meanwhile you hang of every word from wrestlers that are kissing YOUR ass.'
(Like when Louis Spicolli was 'Madonnas Boyfriend') but I would take it further. Nobody remembers the Madonna's Boyfriend gimmick anyway because it was simply a name, not an angle or gimmick.
Smackdown:
Does the same thing he did on Raw but with different highlight clips. The last clip he shows is the one from a while back, where he knocked Miz out with Trouble in Paradise and caused him to bleed.
RVD comes out and interrupts it and they have a five star match. For the finish: a lady with a paperbag over her head comes out of the crowd and pushes RVD off the top turnbuckle and onto the concrete before he can do his Frog Splash.
--At this point, he wouldn't be face or heel, because security would remove the woman from ringside and he would still be on the mat arguing with the ref over the DQ.
Raw:
Later on in the program, he finally introduces Serena after the commentary and the narrative points to him implying that he is dating Serena Williams.
Instead, he brings in a jacked bodybuilder black woman that is taller and/or bigger than he is who's name happens to be Serena. And she has the paperbag over her head. He gives HER the crown he had the previous week on Raw.
The woman could even be Awesome Kong/Kharma that would be this Serena he's been talking about. From that point on, she would be his valet and help him win matches. She would just hold the crown on the pillow like Paul Bearer used to hold the urn. Their whole approach would be to make YOU the fans the true heels.
Things he and his valet would say in promos:
'Had an epiphany and doesn't need to impress you. Just needs to impress his woman.'
'You the fans don't deserve to see what he looks like. You're getting a treat.'
'Thank God they let me bring my woman out here because she's too sexy for PG era'
'You're lucky he so much as takes his mask off to cut a promo.'
'Seeing his woman is going above and beyond for you losers.'
'You don't deserve to be that involved in his personal life. Him taking the mask off to address you is him being generous'
'At least he's saying how he really feels. These other guys in the back like RVD, Ziggler and Cena are playing a phony character and kissing your ass'
'You marks go on the Internet and talk about what wrestler is the biggest ass kisser. Meanwhile you hang of every word from wrestlers that are kissing YOUR ass.'
Shit like that after a guy brags about how hot his girl is for weeks pisses people off. Fans wouldn't understand why Kofi Kingston would start acting like this. They would believe it because it's justifiable and the points he would be making could be backed up with video, since a part of his gimmick has been amazing OMG moments and vignettes as a face for so long.
WHY?
His crowd reactions have been extremely light lately. Mostly because they're anticipating him coming out there to job. There's no reason for a guy that can do the things he does to not get a reaction of any sort. He is criminally mis-used in my opinion.
HOW?
He could almost be the same smiley character he is now as a face, except a little more smug and assholish. If he can be the character he is now, then it's not that far of a stretch to where people won't believe it if he's somewhat of a wiseass to add to it.
Of course the gimmick would only work if he is actually WINNING matches that mean something at some point. Or involved in angles that pertain to contention or title opportunity. He doesn't even have to beat main event level people, but shouldn't have to exactly do a squash job for a main event level player either. We should BELIEVE his matches can go either way at this point because his massive girlfriend has the potential to be a difference maker and he is also as good as he says he is at this point.
WHY?
His crowd reactions have been extremely light lately. Mostly because they're anticipating him coming out there to job. There's no reason for a guy that can do the things he does to not get a reaction of any sort. He is criminally mis-used in my opinion.
HOW?
He could almost be the same smiley character he is now as a face, except a little more smug and assholish. If he can be the character he is now, then it's not that far of a stretch to where people won't believe it if he's somewhat of a wiseass to add to it.
Of course the gimmick would only work if he is actually WINNING matches that mean something at some point. Or involved in angles that pertain to contention or title opportunity. He doesn't even have to beat main event level people, but shouldn't have to exactly do a squash job for a main event level player either. We should BELIEVE his matches can go either way at this point because his massive girlfriend has the potential to be a difference maker and he is also as good as he says he is at this point.